Marauders Live >>..................................................................................................................................................... Marauder(s) IN THE LOOP
I took one of my hands from his and placed my glass of wine at the edge of the table.
“It’s going to fall”, he said.
“Exactly. I want you to tip it over the edge.”
“Break the glass?”
Yes, break the glass. A simple gesture, but one that brings up fears we cant really understand. What’s wrong with breaking an inexpensive glass, when everyone has done so unintentionally at some time in their life?
Glasses are not purposely broken. In a restaurant or in our home, we’re careful not to place glasses at the edge of a table. Our Universe requires that we avoid letting glasses fall to the floor.
How can I let go of my life, my ways, my responsibilities, my likes, my hatred. I know not of another path. I cannot take the bait.
I detest everything; I feel I do not belong here. It is not my dream to be stuck to my world of imposing people, imposing friends, imposing books, imposing teachers, life arresting fears, life sucking disorders.
What is it that is your dream?
One would like to be wise; to preach and predicate my wisdom, to see the gleaming faces in awe. To be natural and always learning. To be knowledgeable. To be understood. To be appreciated.
So you think you become wise by differentiating yourself from the world you live in, meditating and thinking of what you already know, what you have already analyzed?
No, I think I become wise by living life every moment and struggling. But why prevent yourself from moving to a place where you might feel happy. Where there would be more than just your dream. Why not take a new path?
But fear holds one back. The risk of losing what I have created. And the risk of losing the enthusiasm to take on to another path.
But when we break them by accident, we realize that it’s not very serious. The waiter says, “It’s nothing”, and when has anyone been charged for a broken glass? Breaking glasses is a part of life and does no damage to us, to the restaurant, or to anyone else.
Change is good. Especially if it is pleasant.
But what if it’s not?
It doesn’t matter. If one is not satisfied with the present, how much worse can it get?
Are you not escaping from the goals you had set for yourself?
Maybe; but unfulfilled wishes will do me no good, even if I stick to my path till the end.
And why should I not do what seems fairer and brighter? Why have I accepted to let myself be tortured?
Our parents tought us to be careful with glasses and with our bodies. They taught us that the passions of childhood are impossible, that we should not flee from priests, that people cannot perform miracles, and that no one leaves on a journey without knowing where they are going.
Break the glass, please – and free us from all these damned rules, from needing to find an explanation for everything, from doing only what others approve of.
Why is it that I cannot burp in front of even my folks, when Shrek says “Better in than out, eh, I always say, Fiona”? The only reason is that I do not want to be Shrek. I don’t want to be some filthy ogre who is hated and feared by kids. (I already have some lead in this direction).
Why can’t I lick chocolate from my fingers and lunchboxes in the classroom?
Why do my folks tell me to be smartly dressed when I am perfectly okay with my old tattered denims and tucked in t-shirts?
Why can I not say NO to those I hate, and a word of admiration to those whom I like?
Why am I double minded about posting this, thinking about remodeling it, so that it may not look empty and dumb?
Funny world isn’t it?
We are facing the brunt of all those norms in which we never had a say. And now its just into us.
Often I find myself talking to myself – would I like to use some techy-crazy-complicated infrastructure in IIT or would I be happier with some IT + Guitar degree from Stanford.
There is so much that the world decides for me, with or without my consent.
That which is good and that which is bad was not decreed good or bad by some divine judgment (though our teachings say otherwise). What we know today to be good or evil is more or less a refined version of what our ancients believed. The ancients, who were close to nature, drew a colorful mythology of what they found complimenting nature, and what they found was aghast to it, termed it as evil, as we know it today. This concept of light and darkness, of angelic and of demonic karma tilted, crushed, evolved, devolved over centuries, but it is core centric.
Whatever the crap, whatever the reason, some element of my dreams is drifting away. And thanks to the world I live in, I will be crushed again for saying this.
This post is an experiment of a sort. It wont make much sense if read from bottom to the first line.
“It’s going to fall”, he said.
“Exactly. I want you to tip it over the edge.”
“Break the glass?”
Yes, break the glass. A simple gesture, but one that brings up fears we cant really understand. What’s wrong with breaking an inexpensive glass, when everyone has done so unintentionally at some time in their life?
Glasses are not purposely broken. In a restaurant or in our home, we’re careful not to place glasses at the edge of a table. Our Universe requires that we avoid letting glasses fall to the floor.
How can I let go of my life, my ways, my responsibilities, my likes, my hatred. I know not of another path. I cannot take the bait.
I detest everything; I feel I do not belong here. It is not my dream to be stuck to my world of imposing people, imposing friends, imposing books, imposing teachers, life arresting fears, life sucking disorders.
What is it that is your dream?
One would like to be wise; to preach and predicate my wisdom, to see the gleaming faces in awe. To be natural and always learning. To be knowledgeable. To be understood. To be appreciated.
So you think you become wise by differentiating yourself from the world you live in, meditating and thinking of what you already know, what you have already analyzed?
No, I think I become wise by living life every moment and struggling. But why prevent yourself from moving to a place where you might feel happy. Where there would be more than just your dream. Why not take a new path?
But fear holds one back. The risk of losing what I have created. And the risk of losing the enthusiasm to take on to another path.
But when we break them by accident, we realize that it’s not very serious. The waiter says, “It’s nothing”, and when has anyone been charged for a broken glass? Breaking glasses is a part of life and does no damage to us, to the restaurant, or to anyone else.
Change is good. Especially if it is pleasant.
But what if it’s not?
It doesn’t matter. If one is not satisfied with the present, how much worse can it get?
Are you not escaping from the goals you had set for yourself?
Maybe; but unfulfilled wishes will do me no good, even if I stick to my path till the end.
And why should I not do what seems fairer and brighter? Why have I accepted to let myself be tortured?
Our parents tought us to be careful with glasses and with our bodies. They taught us that the passions of childhood are impossible, that we should not flee from priests, that people cannot perform miracles, and that no one leaves on a journey without knowing where they are going.
Break the glass, please – and free us from all these damned rules, from needing to find an explanation for everything, from doing only what others approve of.
Why is it that I cannot burp in front of even my folks, when Shrek says “Better in than out, eh, I always say, Fiona”? The only reason is that I do not want to be Shrek. I don’t want to be some filthy ogre who is hated and feared by kids. (I already have some lead in this direction).
Why can’t I lick chocolate from my fingers and lunchboxes in the classroom?
Why do my folks tell me to be smartly dressed when I am perfectly okay with my old tattered denims and tucked in t-shirts?
Why can I not say NO to those I hate, and a word of admiration to those whom I like?
Why am I double minded about posting this, thinking about remodeling it, so that it may not look empty and dumb?
Funny world isn’t it?
We are facing the brunt of all those norms in which we never had a say. And now its just into us.
Often I find myself talking to myself – would I like to use some techy-crazy-complicated infrastructure in IIT or would I be happier with some IT + Guitar degree from Stanford.
There is so much that the world decides for me, with or without my consent.
That which is good and that which is bad was not decreed good or bad by some divine judgment (though our teachings say otherwise). What we know today to be good or evil is more or less a refined version of what our ancients believed. The ancients, who were close to nature, drew a colorful mythology of what they found complimenting nature, and what they found was aghast to it, termed it as evil, as we know it today. This concept of light and darkness, of angelic and of demonic karma tilted, crushed, evolved, devolved over centuries, but it is core centric.
Whatever the crap, whatever the reason, some element of my dreams is drifting away. And thanks to the world I live in, I will be crushed again for saying this.
This post is an experiment of a sort. It wont make much sense if read from bottom to the first line.
15 Responses to “A Vale Of Dreams”
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Ok, how many times have you read this over?? Before posting and after?
Now, all I want to say is that what you've written is what I wonder most of the time too. Sometimes I'm too stubborn to give into the demands of society, for example, looking (what they define as) good, wearing specs of colours other than maroon, eating, drinking in the right manner, smiling in front of others even when you're too pissed off with them, making tea for imposing guests, playing because everyone else my age does etc.
I have no control over some things that I am forced to do despite my displeasure... like calling everyone Uncle and Aunty no matter who or how they are with me, putting up with good-for-nothing bullies, telling (other) parents how I study to score in exams, and submitting to (my) parents, when they consider me too young or too mature for everything.
contd...
But there are times, when I’m forced to think I’m wrong. I’m forced to think that I’m wrong to think. If you understand what I mean. I’m not allowed to think. I’m a poet… no one in my family is, and they don’t understand poetry. I don’t mind. I’m a thinker, I like to spend time thinking about every possible thing. Others don’t spend as much time on it. Doesn’t matter to me. But my being different makes me ABNORMAL. Now who decides what’s NORMAL? Normal, according to me is everything that is naturally as it is. Even I am. I didn’t go about asking God to make me a thinker, I didn’t tell him to stop me from being too interested in sports or gadgets or stuff like that. But everyone thinks, if you’re not like the other boys, you’re either insane or gay. I don’t think so. Are we here to prove what our sexual orientation is? About being insane: Forgive the vanity, but sometimes I’m amazed at the intelligence in my own works. How does it matter to me what others make of it.
contd...
If I’m a miser, I am stealing my own money. At least I’m not the hypocrite who steals others’ lives to feed himself. It may sound pretty I-centric. But that’s what it is. It’s all about being singled out.
Why must we sit here and BRAND people? He’s that type, he’s that and she’s that. Everyone’s DIFFERENT. We need to accept the ABNORMAL as normal.
Talking of good and bad… I might slightly disagree with you. Actually you know I didn’t quite understand your point. My view is that, universal harmony is the key to existence. Harmony between the most lifeless of things, like a stone and the rock it was part of, or that which it is going to hit. Anything that disturbs this harmony to the extent that it’s restoration consumes time and effort that would otherwise have been used more productively, is BAD. And everything else is good. But, to establish this harmony individually as human beings we need to be more receptive and thoughtful.
contd...
Funny world yes, because here, we’re trying to make our viewpoint heard. And our viewpoint is that why must we seek acceptance from a larger set of people? But whatever it is, it’s a nice post. Path-breaking, in some senses. Good job. There’s much more to say. But I just can’t fit it all together. You’ll know what I mean.
PS: I put it in 4 comments for fear of not being able to submit it as 1, as has happened before. Maybe it doesn't make sense. But I was also thinking of the conversation we had the other day (YOU-KNOW-WHICH). So it's a khichdi.
Hey abhi
Nice that you comment so comprehensively.
Just that you'd know, I purposely didn't allow myself to RE-read the post coz it was a spoiler for the message that it gives.
However I was confused again - you see, it is one thing to make the text error free and another to try and understand it from another's view, and that is exactly the kind of behavior that I am concerned with.
You know it, that I couldnt post this earlier, though i was through with it by Friday night. Again, because it didn't seem to be perfect enough for me to post it.
These particular lines just went on and on, playing with my standards.
And there are those who unwittingly
Look for salvation in their young
For dreams gone awry or unapproached,
Or those recently sprung.
But then I finally made a decision, of not reading it again. I just posted it. And I cannot tell if its perfect. Because no one can. It's a relative concept - quality and perfection.
And also what was not very prominent in expression was that whether it is right to realize your dream without thinking of your obligations to a world that you yourself are a part of and responsible for its creation and that whether should you be open to new avenues when you've already created a goal for yourself.
Why do the fools fly?
Once, Charlie Chaplin invited Albert Einstein to the premier of his movie. After the premiere was over, charlie and einstein went to the stage and the entire crowd waved, cheered,shouted,went mad wit excitement. Chaplin said to einstein "They cheer me because evry1 understands me , and they cheer u because no1 understands u".After reading this post, i hail u jyot!! the reason being the latter case.
Well I dont mind Einstien. And the idea of you being Charlie Chaplin amuses me (if it be).
Well I think more than a need to forcibly understand this, you need more a sense of acceptance.
latter=later
crap..u took it the wrong way partly..i m not charlie...i cheer u , hail u, clap for u coz i dont understand u
Great man, if you really cant understand it, then I have really written something great.
Hail ME.
With no comments, no new posts, nor any activity, this blog thing is rotting. There is no point carrying it further.
No comments, no new posts, nor any activity. This blog is stinking an rotting. No point carrying it further.
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