Marauders Live >>..................................................................................................................................................... Marauder(s) IN THE LOOP
PLEASE NOTE FIRST AND FOREMOST: The narrator of Manni and Pintoo’s story is NOT me.
Pata hai, Manni aur Pintoo ki shaadi hone wali hai. Ek din donon ke mummy-papa mile, aur rishta jud gaya. Phir toh ji, idhar phone kar, udhar phone kar, isko bata, usko bata.
'Saddi Manni da byaah pakka ho gaya hai ji.'
'Oji Pintoo bahu lae ke aa raha hai.'
Pintoo, actually Sarvesh Bansal (baniya), settled in Amarica, abhi do saal pehle, PEC se 'injeen-ring' karke gaya hai. Works with... uh... I don't know actually. Uske mummy papa ko bhi nahin maaloom. Paise bhejta hai har mahine. Aur gifts bhi. Aur kya chahiye? Suna hai, otthe jaake, usne apna naam badal liya hai - ek William aur jud gaya hai beech mein. God knows how it helps. Thoda accent bhi jhadta hai. Abhi chhuttiyan manane aaya hai, aur kudi dhoondhne. Sundar susheel Indian ladki.
Manni, actually Mansi Gupta (baniyani), B Sc Home Science from Ambala. Home Science ki spalling bhi bata de, toh maan jaaoon. Job: Chatting.. on the phone. Internet usse use nahin karna aata. Computer course bhi kiya tha, ek do saal pehle. Par out of touch ho gayi. Actually, Manni toh Ms Chandigarh contest ka phorm le ke aayi thi, but Dadi refused. And asked Daddy dear to get her married. Ki fark paenda ae, as long as munda changa ho (changa = paisewala). Amrike ki sair karwaye. Branded kapde kharidwaye, aur kya chahiye?
Toh ji now begins the fiesta. Pintoo has to go back soon, so wedding must take place quickly. Isliye mangni toh usi din ho gayi. Do chaar mehmaan aaye, just close friends and family. Sirf, Ambale waale Chacha ji, Shimle waali Buaji, Chandigarh se Mamaji, aur haan, Dilli se Massiji. Yeh sab hamaari taraf se (Main baraati hoon). Unki taraf se bhi itne hi the.
Actually main dilli waali Massiji ka beta hoon. The groom’s mom, is my Massi. Mangni waale din, Massi ne toh dil khol ke rakh diya. Aakhir ek hi toh ladka hai. Nai bahoo ke liye teen mehenge waale set, do saadiyan, nave-nave suit (jaise kabhi Harsha ma’am pehenti thi), aur samdhi-samdhan ke liye pyaar bhare suit pieces, saadiyaan, shirt ke kapde and stuff sab dikha dikha ke diya. Ab jab idhar se itna kuchh gaya tha, toh udhar se bhi toh aana tha. Bahut kuchh aaya. Almost the same things, different colours though. And different companies also. But nevertheless, the mangni went well. Majaa aa gaya.
DJ bhi tha. Main toh nachta hi raha. Ab tumse kya chhupana, dance floor pe toh no one can refuse your company! Tussi samajh rahe ho na! Ab agla mera hi toh number hai. Do chaar saal mein meri bhi naukri lag jayegi USA mein. Oh, the thought!
Ek-do thi, unki taraf waali, achchha dance kar rahi thi. Baad mein dinner ke time pe mili thi. I said, ‘Hi, aap dance achchha karti hain. Main Chinku. Aur aap?’ Pata nahin baad mein kahaan chali gayi thi. Anyways…
Ghar pe toh din bhar dhol, sangeet, you know, neighbourhood-auntie-mahasabha. Thoda bahut kaam bhi kiya beech mein. Bistar lagwaaye for the baraatis, auntiyon ko mutter-namkeen serve kiya. The atmosphere was totally sangeet-may.
Ab do din baad shaadi thi. Kya kya nahin taiyaariyan thi. Ghar ki lighting, sajaawat, safaai, lunch, dinner for everyone. fhuh! Eventually, the night arrived. Main, Chintoo, Banni aur Bulbul. Hum sab ne jo dance kiya hai, jam ke! Venue gate pe bhi. Then we gate-crashed. All the ribbon cutting and all went down the drain. The groom’s saaliyaan couldn’t demand any money. Bach gaye! Par pata hai, baraatiyon ke purse khaali ho gaye itni der mein. Baahar khade khade. Anyways, andar gaye, toh saare pakwaan khatam ho chuke the. Actually, Manni ke saare jaannewaale 8 baje se aaye hue the. Aur aajkal toh fashion hai, baraat toh dus baje se pehle pahunch hi nahin sakti, na! We didn’t get anything to eat.
Manni was looking elegant. Parlour-made to perfection. And so was Pintoo. But his biggest fear was, all the auntiejis who’d come up to the stage, wiggle-waggle his cheeks and say, “Oye, tu inna vadda ho gaya hai? Bahoo da khyal rakhna.” “Of course, auntie”, he’d say with an extra roll of the tongue in “course”.
I immediately looked for the DJ. Par akele kaise jaaoon. Banni ko “bahut jor ka bathroom” aa raha tha. (He’s only three.) Aur Chintoo pata nahin kahaan gayab ho gaya. So I eventually had to go with Bulbul. She’s a distant cousin. (Thank-god she’s a distant cousin. It is important to be DISTANT to some people). I danced all night, but didn’t find even a single girl good enough. Aur uss din waali ladki toh kahin thi hi nahin. And then I realized, she was standing by Manni’s side, so that she is visible in every photo. Meanwhile, a lot of things happened on the stage. Jaimala for instance. Manni’s tall brothers hoisted her to such a level that even Rohil can’t slam dunk. So there was no option but for our poor old Mamas and Chachas and me to hoist the groom. After the hilltop Jaimala session, and dinner and everything, phere ho gaye.
I’m sure agar koi Panditji se poochhe un shlokon ka matlab jo woh badi aasaani se ga gaye, unhein bhi nahin maaloom honge. Nor were the couple interested in it. Pintoo ne thodi jyaada pi li thi. Toh agar panditji RAP bhi ga rahe hote, toh usse samajh nahin aata. Manni toh, you know how intelligent she is. She was used to taking rounds around a bonfire – like when they went for a trip to Manali. She assumed it would be as much fun. And naturally, was a little disappointed when there was no antaakshari during the phere. I fell asleep.
So much for the wedding, par aage kya hua jaante hain?
Pintoo lost his job, (he was on the brink of losing it when he came to India). And they’re both back in Panchkula (near Chandigarh). Aaj meri shaadi hai. Manni has doubled since when she got married and so has her family. Two kids added. Pintoo runs a stationery business. They’re spending the money she got in her dahej. I heard him saying that 2 lacs were spent on his wedding aur meri pe kam se kam 3 lakh toh hue hi honge. I distinctly remember the saree Manni is wearing right now. She’s borrowed it from the girl from the mangni (she was wearing it that day).
NOW: Back to me mode again. This may sound like a desperate attempt to be funny. But it is not. It is my experience with the truth. No exaggerations whatsoever. Although the last part is extrapolation.
Pata hai, Manni aur Pintoo ki shaadi hone wali hai. Ek din donon ke mummy-papa mile, aur rishta jud gaya. Phir toh ji, idhar phone kar, udhar phone kar, isko bata, usko bata.
'Saddi Manni da byaah pakka ho gaya hai ji.'
'Oji Pintoo bahu lae ke aa raha hai.'
Pintoo, actually Sarvesh Bansal (baniya), settled in Amarica, abhi do saal pehle, PEC se 'injeen-ring' karke gaya hai. Works with... uh... I don't know actually. Uske mummy papa ko bhi nahin maaloom. Paise bhejta hai har mahine. Aur gifts bhi. Aur kya chahiye? Suna hai, otthe jaake, usne apna naam badal liya hai - ek William aur jud gaya hai beech mein. God knows how it helps. Thoda accent bhi jhadta hai. Abhi chhuttiyan manane aaya hai, aur kudi dhoondhne. Sundar susheel Indian ladki.
Manni, actually Mansi Gupta (baniyani), B Sc Home Science from Ambala. Home Science ki spalling bhi bata de, toh maan jaaoon. Job: Chatting.. on the phone. Internet usse use nahin karna aata. Computer course bhi kiya tha, ek do saal pehle. Par out of touch ho gayi. Actually, Manni toh Ms Chandigarh contest ka phorm le ke aayi thi, but Dadi refused. And asked Daddy dear to get her married. Ki fark paenda ae, as long as munda changa ho (changa = paisewala). Amrike ki sair karwaye. Branded kapde kharidwaye, aur kya chahiye?
Toh ji now begins the fiesta. Pintoo has to go back soon, so wedding must take place quickly. Isliye mangni toh usi din ho gayi. Do chaar mehmaan aaye, just close friends and family. Sirf, Ambale waale Chacha ji, Shimle waali Buaji, Chandigarh se Mamaji, aur haan, Dilli se Massiji. Yeh sab hamaari taraf se (Main baraati hoon). Unki taraf se bhi itne hi the.
Actually main dilli waali Massiji ka beta hoon. The groom’s mom, is my Massi. Mangni waale din, Massi ne toh dil khol ke rakh diya. Aakhir ek hi toh ladka hai. Nai bahoo ke liye teen mehenge waale set, do saadiyan, nave-nave suit (jaise kabhi Harsha ma’am pehenti thi), aur samdhi-samdhan ke liye pyaar bhare suit pieces, saadiyaan, shirt ke kapde and stuff sab dikha dikha ke diya. Ab jab idhar se itna kuchh gaya tha, toh udhar se bhi toh aana tha. Bahut kuchh aaya. Almost the same things, different colours though. And different companies also. But nevertheless, the mangni went well. Majaa aa gaya.
DJ bhi tha. Main toh nachta hi raha. Ab tumse kya chhupana, dance floor pe toh no one can refuse your company! Tussi samajh rahe ho na! Ab agla mera hi toh number hai. Do chaar saal mein meri bhi naukri lag jayegi USA mein. Oh, the thought!
Ek-do thi, unki taraf waali, achchha dance kar rahi thi. Baad mein dinner ke time pe mili thi. I said, ‘Hi, aap dance achchha karti hain. Main Chinku. Aur aap?’ Pata nahin baad mein kahaan chali gayi thi. Anyways…
Ghar pe toh din bhar dhol, sangeet, you know, neighbourhood-auntie-mahasabha. Thoda bahut kaam bhi kiya beech mein. Bistar lagwaaye for the baraatis, auntiyon ko mutter-namkeen serve kiya. The atmosphere was totally sangeet-may.
Ab do din baad shaadi thi. Kya kya nahin taiyaariyan thi. Ghar ki lighting, sajaawat, safaai, lunch, dinner for everyone. fhuh! Eventually, the night arrived. Main, Chintoo, Banni aur Bulbul. Hum sab ne jo dance kiya hai, jam ke! Venue gate pe bhi. Then we gate-crashed. All the ribbon cutting and all went down the drain. The groom’s saaliyaan couldn’t demand any money. Bach gaye! Par pata hai, baraatiyon ke purse khaali ho gaye itni der mein. Baahar khade khade. Anyways, andar gaye, toh saare pakwaan khatam ho chuke the. Actually, Manni ke saare jaannewaale 8 baje se aaye hue the. Aur aajkal toh fashion hai, baraat toh dus baje se pehle pahunch hi nahin sakti, na! We didn’t get anything to eat.
Manni was looking elegant. Parlour-made to perfection. And so was Pintoo. But his biggest fear was, all the auntiejis who’d come up to the stage, wiggle-waggle his cheeks and say, “Oye, tu inna vadda ho gaya hai? Bahoo da khyal rakhna.” “Of course, auntie”, he’d say with an extra roll of the tongue in “course”.
I immediately looked for the DJ. Par akele kaise jaaoon. Banni ko “bahut jor ka bathroom” aa raha tha. (He’s only three.) Aur Chintoo pata nahin kahaan gayab ho gaya. So I eventually had to go with Bulbul. She’s a distant cousin. (Thank-god she’s a distant cousin. It is important to be DISTANT to some people). I danced all night, but didn’t find even a single girl good enough. Aur uss din waali ladki toh kahin thi hi nahin. And then I realized, she was standing by Manni’s side, so that she is visible in every photo. Meanwhile, a lot of things happened on the stage. Jaimala for instance. Manni’s tall brothers hoisted her to such a level that even Rohil can’t slam dunk. So there was no option but for our poor old Mamas and Chachas and me to hoist the groom. After the hilltop Jaimala session, and dinner and everything, phere ho gaye.
I’m sure agar koi Panditji se poochhe un shlokon ka matlab jo woh badi aasaani se ga gaye, unhein bhi nahin maaloom honge. Nor were the couple interested in it. Pintoo ne thodi jyaada pi li thi. Toh agar panditji RAP bhi ga rahe hote, toh usse samajh nahin aata. Manni toh, you know how intelligent she is. She was used to taking rounds around a bonfire – like when they went for a trip to Manali. She assumed it would be as much fun. And naturally, was a little disappointed when there was no antaakshari during the phere. I fell asleep.
So much for the wedding, par aage kya hua jaante hain?
Pintoo lost his job, (he was on the brink of losing it when he came to India). And they’re both back in Panchkula (near Chandigarh). Aaj meri shaadi hai. Manni has doubled since when she got married and so has her family. Two kids added. Pintoo runs a stationery business. They’re spending the money she got in her dahej. I heard him saying that 2 lacs were spent on his wedding aur meri pe kam se kam 3 lakh toh hue hi honge. I distinctly remember the saree Manni is wearing right now. She’s borrowed it from the girl from the mangni (she was wearing it that day).
NOW: Back to me mode again. This may sound like a desperate attempt to be funny. But it is not. It is my experience with the truth. No exaggerations whatsoever. Although the last part is extrapolation.
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