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PLEASE NOTE FIRST AND FOREMOST: The narrator of Manni and Pintoo’s story is NOT me.
Pata hai, Manni aur Pintoo ki shaadi hone wali hai. Ek din donon ke mummy-papa mile, aur rishta jud gaya. Phir toh ji, idhar phone kar, udhar phone kar, isko bata, usko bata.
'Saddi Manni da byaah pakka ho gaya hai ji.'
'Oji Pintoo bahu lae ke aa raha hai.'
Pintoo, actually Sarvesh Bansal (baniya), settled in Amarica, abhi do saal pehle, PEC se 'injeen-ring' karke gaya hai. Works with... uh... I don't know actually. Uske mummy papa ko bhi nahin maaloom. Paise bhejta hai har mahine. Aur gifts bhi. Aur kya chahiye? Suna hai, otthe jaake, usne apna naam badal liya hai - ek William aur jud gaya hai beech mein. God knows how it helps. Thoda accent bhi jhadta hai. Abhi chhuttiyan manane aaya hai, aur kudi dhoondhne. Sundar susheel Indian ladki.
Manni, actually Mansi Gupta (baniyani), B Sc Home Science from Ambala. Home Science ki spalling bhi bata de, toh maan jaaoon. Job: Chatting.. on the phone. Internet usse use nahin karna aata. Computer course bhi kiya tha, ek do saal pehle. Par out of touch ho gayi. Actually, Manni toh Ms Chandigarh contest ka phorm le ke aayi thi, but Dadi refused. And asked Daddy dear to get her married. Ki fark paenda ae, as long as munda changa ho (changa = paisewala). Amrike ki sair karwaye. Branded kapde kharidwaye, aur kya chahiye?
Toh ji now begins the fiesta. Pintoo has to go back soon, so wedding must take place quickly. Isliye mangni toh usi din ho gayi. Do chaar mehmaan aaye, just close friends and family. Sirf, Ambale waale Chacha ji, Shimle waali Buaji, Chandigarh se Mamaji, aur haan, Dilli se Massiji. Yeh sab hamaari taraf se (Main baraati hoon). Unki taraf se bhi itne hi the.
Actually main dilli waali Massiji ka beta hoon. The groom’s mom, is my Massi. Mangni waale din, Massi ne toh dil khol ke rakh diya. Aakhir ek hi toh ladka hai. Nai bahoo ke liye teen mehenge waale set, do saadiyan, nave-nave suit (jaise kabhi Harsha ma’am pehenti thi), aur samdhi-samdhan ke liye pyaar bhare suit pieces, saadiyaan, shirt ke kapde and stuff sab dikha dikha ke diya. Ab jab idhar se itna kuchh gaya tha, toh udhar se bhi toh aana tha. Bahut kuchh aaya. Almost the same things, different colours though. And different companies also. But nevertheless, the mangni went well. Majaa aa gaya.
DJ bhi tha. Main toh nachta hi raha. Ab tumse kya chhupana, dance floor pe toh no one can refuse your company! Tussi samajh rahe ho na! Ab agla mera hi toh number hai. Do chaar saal mein meri bhi naukri lag jayegi USA mein. Oh, the thought!
Ek-do thi, unki taraf waali, achchha dance kar rahi thi. Baad mein dinner ke time pe mili thi. I said, ‘Hi, aap dance achchha karti hain. Main Chinku. Aur aap?’ Pata nahin baad mein kahaan chali gayi thi. Anyways…
Ghar pe toh din bhar dhol, sangeet, you know, neighbourhood-auntie-mahasabha. Thoda bahut kaam bhi kiya beech mein. Bistar lagwaaye for the baraatis, auntiyon ko mutter-namkeen serve kiya. The atmosphere was totally sangeet-may.
Ab do din baad shaadi thi. Kya kya nahin taiyaariyan thi. Ghar ki lighting, sajaawat, safaai, lunch, dinner for everyone. fhuh! Eventually, the night arrived. Main, Chintoo, Banni aur Bulbul. Hum sab ne jo dance kiya hai, jam ke! Venue gate pe bhi. Then we gate-crashed. All the ribbon cutting and all went down the drain. The groom’s saaliyaan couldn’t demand any money. Bach gaye! Par pata hai, baraatiyon ke purse khaali ho gaye itni der mein. Baahar khade khade. Anyways, andar gaye, toh saare pakwaan khatam ho chuke the. Actually, Manni ke saare jaannewaale 8 baje se aaye hue the. Aur aajkal toh fashion hai, baraat toh dus baje se pehle pahunch hi nahin sakti, na! We didn’t get anything to eat.
Manni was looking elegant. Parlour-made to perfection. And so was Pintoo. But his biggest fear was, all the auntiejis who’d come up to the stage, wiggle-waggle his cheeks and say, “Oye, tu inna vadda ho gaya hai? Bahoo da khyal rakhna.” “Of course, auntie”, he’d say with an extra roll of the tongue in “course”.
I immediately looked for the DJ. Par akele kaise jaaoon. Banni ko “bahut jor ka bathroom” aa raha tha. (He’s only three.) Aur Chintoo pata nahin kahaan gayab ho gaya. So I eventually had to go with Bulbul. She’s a distant cousin. (Thank-god she’s a distant cousin. It is important to be DISTANT to some people). I danced all night, but didn’t find even a single girl good enough. Aur uss din waali ladki toh kahin thi hi nahin. And then I realized, she was standing by Manni’s side, so that she is visible in every photo. Meanwhile, a lot of things happened on the stage. Jaimala for instance. Manni’s tall brothers hoisted her to such a level that even Rohil can’t slam dunk. So there was no option but for our poor old Mamas and Chachas and me to hoist the groom. After the hilltop Jaimala session, and dinner and everything, phere ho gaye.
I’m sure agar koi Panditji se poochhe un shlokon ka matlab jo woh badi aasaani se ga gaye, unhein bhi nahin maaloom honge. Nor were the couple interested in it. Pintoo ne thodi jyaada pi li thi. Toh agar panditji RAP bhi ga rahe hote, toh usse samajh nahin aata. Manni toh, you know how intelligent she is. She was used to taking rounds around a bonfire – like when they went for a trip to Manali. She assumed it would be as much fun. And naturally, was a little disappointed when there was no antaakshari during the phere. I fell asleep.
So much for the wedding, par aage kya hua jaante hain?
Pintoo lost his job, (he was on the brink of losing it when he came to India). And they’re both back in Panchkula (near Chandigarh). Aaj meri shaadi hai. Manni has doubled since when she got married and so has her family. Two kids added. Pintoo runs a stationery business. They’re spending the money she got in her dahej. I heard him saying that 2 lacs were spent on his wedding aur meri pe kam se kam 3 lakh toh hue hi honge. I distinctly remember the saree Manni is wearing right now. She’s borrowed it from the girl from the mangni (she was wearing it that day).
NOW: Back to me mode again. This may sound like a desperate attempt to be funny. But it is not. It is my experience with the truth. No exaggerations whatsoever. Although the last part is extrapolation.
Pata hai, Manni aur Pintoo ki shaadi hone wali hai. Ek din donon ke mummy-papa mile, aur rishta jud gaya. Phir toh ji, idhar phone kar, udhar phone kar, isko bata, usko bata.
'Saddi Manni da byaah pakka ho gaya hai ji.'
'Oji Pintoo bahu lae ke aa raha hai.'
Pintoo, actually Sarvesh Bansal (baniya), settled in Amarica, abhi do saal pehle, PEC se 'injeen-ring' karke gaya hai. Works with... uh... I don't know actually. Uske mummy papa ko bhi nahin maaloom. Paise bhejta hai har mahine. Aur gifts bhi. Aur kya chahiye? Suna hai, otthe jaake, usne apna naam badal liya hai - ek William aur jud gaya hai beech mein. God knows how it helps. Thoda accent bhi jhadta hai. Abhi chhuttiyan manane aaya hai, aur kudi dhoondhne. Sundar susheel Indian ladki.
Manni, actually Mansi Gupta (baniyani), B Sc Home Science from Ambala. Home Science ki spalling bhi bata de, toh maan jaaoon. Job: Chatting.. on the phone. Internet usse use nahin karna aata. Computer course bhi kiya tha, ek do saal pehle. Par out of touch ho gayi. Actually, Manni toh Ms Chandigarh contest ka phorm le ke aayi thi, but Dadi refused. And asked Daddy dear to get her married. Ki fark paenda ae, as long as munda changa ho (changa = paisewala). Amrike ki sair karwaye. Branded kapde kharidwaye, aur kya chahiye?
Toh ji now begins the fiesta. Pintoo has to go back soon, so wedding must take place quickly. Isliye mangni toh usi din ho gayi. Do chaar mehmaan aaye, just close friends and family. Sirf, Ambale waale Chacha ji, Shimle waali Buaji, Chandigarh se Mamaji, aur haan, Dilli se Massiji. Yeh sab hamaari taraf se (Main baraati hoon). Unki taraf se bhi itne hi the.
Actually main dilli waali Massiji ka beta hoon. The groom’s mom, is my Massi. Mangni waale din, Massi ne toh dil khol ke rakh diya. Aakhir ek hi toh ladka hai. Nai bahoo ke liye teen mehenge waale set, do saadiyan, nave-nave suit (jaise kabhi Harsha ma’am pehenti thi), aur samdhi-samdhan ke liye pyaar bhare suit pieces, saadiyaan, shirt ke kapde and stuff sab dikha dikha ke diya. Ab jab idhar se itna kuchh gaya tha, toh udhar se bhi toh aana tha. Bahut kuchh aaya. Almost the same things, different colours though. And different companies also. But nevertheless, the mangni went well. Majaa aa gaya.
DJ bhi tha. Main toh nachta hi raha. Ab tumse kya chhupana, dance floor pe toh no one can refuse your company! Tussi samajh rahe ho na! Ab agla mera hi toh number hai. Do chaar saal mein meri bhi naukri lag jayegi USA mein. Oh, the thought!
Ek-do thi, unki taraf waali, achchha dance kar rahi thi. Baad mein dinner ke time pe mili thi. I said, ‘Hi, aap dance achchha karti hain. Main Chinku. Aur aap?’ Pata nahin baad mein kahaan chali gayi thi. Anyways…
Ghar pe toh din bhar dhol, sangeet, you know, neighbourhood-auntie-mahasabha. Thoda bahut kaam bhi kiya beech mein. Bistar lagwaaye for the baraatis, auntiyon ko mutter-namkeen serve kiya. The atmosphere was totally sangeet-may.
Ab do din baad shaadi thi. Kya kya nahin taiyaariyan thi. Ghar ki lighting, sajaawat, safaai, lunch, dinner for everyone. fhuh! Eventually, the night arrived. Main, Chintoo, Banni aur Bulbul. Hum sab ne jo dance kiya hai, jam ke! Venue gate pe bhi. Then we gate-crashed. All the ribbon cutting and all went down the drain. The groom’s saaliyaan couldn’t demand any money. Bach gaye! Par pata hai, baraatiyon ke purse khaali ho gaye itni der mein. Baahar khade khade. Anyways, andar gaye, toh saare pakwaan khatam ho chuke the. Actually, Manni ke saare jaannewaale 8 baje se aaye hue the. Aur aajkal toh fashion hai, baraat toh dus baje se pehle pahunch hi nahin sakti, na! We didn’t get anything to eat.
Manni was looking elegant. Parlour-made to perfection. And so was Pintoo. But his biggest fear was, all the auntiejis who’d come up to the stage, wiggle-waggle his cheeks and say, “Oye, tu inna vadda ho gaya hai? Bahoo da khyal rakhna.” “Of course, auntie”, he’d say with an extra roll of the tongue in “course”.
I immediately looked for the DJ. Par akele kaise jaaoon. Banni ko “bahut jor ka bathroom” aa raha tha. (He’s only three.) Aur Chintoo pata nahin kahaan gayab ho gaya. So I eventually had to go with Bulbul. She’s a distant cousin. (Thank-god she’s a distant cousin. It is important to be DISTANT to some people). I danced all night, but didn’t find even a single girl good enough. Aur uss din waali ladki toh kahin thi hi nahin. And then I realized, she was standing by Manni’s side, so that she is visible in every photo. Meanwhile, a lot of things happened on the stage. Jaimala for instance. Manni’s tall brothers hoisted her to such a level that even Rohil can’t slam dunk. So there was no option but for our poor old Mamas and Chachas and me to hoist the groom. After the hilltop Jaimala session, and dinner and everything, phere ho gaye.
I’m sure agar koi Panditji se poochhe un shlokon ka matlab jo woh badi aasaani se ga gaye, unhein bhi nahin maaloom honge. Nor were the couple interested in it. Pintoo ne thodi jyaada pi li thi. Toh agar panditji RAP bhi ga rahe hote, toh usse samajh nahin aata. Manni toh, you know how intelligent she is. She was used to taking rounds around a bonfire – like when they went for a trip to Manali. She assumed it would be as much fun. And naturally, was a little disappointed when there was no antaakshari during the phere. I fell asleep.
So much for the wedding, par aage kya hua jaante hain?
Pintoo lost his job, (he was on the brink of losing it when he came to India). And they’re both back in Panchkula (near Chandigarh). Aaj meri shaadi hai. Manni has doubled since when she got married and so has her family. Two kids added. Pintoo runs a stationery business. They’re spending the money she got in her dahej. I heard him saying that 2 lacs were spent on his wedding aur meri pe kam se kam 3 lakh toh hue hi honge. I distinctly remember the saree Manni is wearing right now. She’s borrowed it from the girl from the mangni (she was wearing it that day).
NOW: Back to me mode again. This may sound like a desperate attempt to be funny. But it is not. It is my experience with the truth. No exaggerations whatsoever. Although the last part is extrapolation.
11 Responses to “Manni weds Pintoo”
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Hey guys,
there is a purpose behind this post. It's meant to remind everyone that all the nonsense that happens at a wedding is useless, because it serves no purpose whatsoever. Eventually the couple's fate is decided by their own doings. So why not have a simple wedding and perhaps save the money for the future of the couple, or allow them to invest as they like? They can enjoy life much better this way.
hey abhi
Then we gate-crashed. All the ribbon cutting and all went down the drain. The groom’s saaliyaan couldn’t demand any money.
I bet this is one of those hidden-baniya-techniques-to- save-money-without-letting-anyone-know.
Its a pity it didnt work out.
It's meant to remind everyone that all the nonsense that happens at a wedding is useless, because it serves no purpose whatsoever.
Enlighten me please. I thought you were pro-shaadi culture, dhol, mithai, shor and all rasame things... .
If my Abhi-timeline is correct, you actually went to Panchkula some time back, right? Is this what the marriage resulted into ("Pinto" losing job and all)?
Although the last part is extrapolation.
You didn't read that? This description has little to do with the wedding I attended. And more with the mindset that's killing our money, resources, time and mental well being.
It's ok to enjoy a wedding, after all it's a once in a lifetime celebration (hopefully). It's ok to have dhol and sangeet. But definitely not ok to gift each other suit pieces. Definitely not ok to spend so much on the venue and lighting and all and buying dresses that no one's ever gonna wear. And also definitely not ok to have pointless customs like ribbon cutting to receive the baraat and things like hoisting the bride and the groom for jaimala (because it's cliched). Also, it is not ok for the groom to drink on his wedding (or even otherwise, i would say). Not ok for the couple to not understand the meaning of the saat phere, jaimala and all the customs. And dowry and display of wealth are a strict NO-NO. It is not ok to embarrass the groom on his best day. It is not ok to spend hours in the parlour in desperation to look better than padosi ki beti.
hmm...very sad indeed...bechare...anyways this is not the first time i have SEEN ppl gettin screwed up after their marriages. makes it scary, the marriage...raat ko nightmares aayenge..goel gr8 post..these things shud b rated as "18+",..bad influence on mindset of children.
hullo???
what're u talking about maximus? What shld be rated 18+?
And the post is not so much about getting screwed up after marriage. It's about the nonsense that we pay so much importance to, and the important issues that go untouched.
oye,
18+ coz agar bachpan se heen shadi ke troubles ke bare mein baataoge , to shaadi ke bad kya hoga??
i am totally pro-shaadi culture.it's once in a lifetime experience..where all relatives and friends come together to have a blast.and so wat if some lumpsum(ok huge lumpsum) goes into making that night a success.
who says that the couple do not understand the meaning of the saat phere..these days alll marriages have english and hindi interpreters or the pandit himself explains dem in hindi...
though i agree dowry is a very absurd concept ...but everything else is justified.
Please! Don't tell me ALL weddings have interpreters. Also, there'd be no need of interpreters if the pandits themselves, or the parents of the bride and groom would spare a little time (if, of course, they know the meanings themselves). There are lots of things that happen once in a lifetime. But most of them are not celebrated with 52 types of indian and international dishes, 36 chaats and snacks, exotic liquor from all parts of the world, ribbon-cutting, baat-baat pe shagun, overdressed guests, unwarranted jewellery and make-up display, fireworks (the most absurd), video display on huge screens etc.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not against shaadi culture. Of course it has it's good things, a number of the customs are actually meaningful. But we must do away with what is not required or rather, is detrimental.
arey goel,
wats the prob man..52 types of indian and international dishes,36 chats and snacks..u gotta spend for them only once(not even once actually)..rest 100 times u r the one enjoying them..haha
of course! that's true. But at least I can't enjoy all 52 + 36 on one day. So it's all down the drain actually. There's no need of so much of an extraordinary spread.
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