A word from the author
The following is an attempted spoof at one of the Masti –Waale scenes from the movie Rang De Basanti. This did not turn out as I wanted it to be. It is not humorous (as much as it was deliberated). I had doubts about posting this. But over an hour spent without outcome is a big no for me.
So I want to tell you this:
1) First, that this one post is long, and if you have to read it, read it at one go.
2) If you have not seen Rang De Basanti, you might not enjoy it as much (or even those who have, might not enjoy it. See, I am honest about this.)
3) Instead of presenting humor, now that I see it, this stuff is more of a collection of vices of people, non harming verbal utterances of others, or just an exxxxxxxxxxaggeration from my side.
4) Take this all in good spirits. Don’t feel offended and stop talking to me if you feel so, despite my (polite) request here.
5) I think more than anyone else, Saksham will understand this the most.
6)Please Please Please, do not leave without posting a comment or even an insult.

So here goes, RANG DE BASANTI – The classroom.

The Cast
Sue: Matrix Dasgupta (Oh! We want someone slimmer)
Srishti Bhutani (Hahahahahahahahaha!)
Geetika Kaushal (Well, if she uses a fairness cream)
Soniya: Khushboo
Karan: Utsav Sharma
DJ: Tushar Dutt
Sukhi: Aman Hora
Aslam: Jyotaditya Singh
Major Ajay Rathod: Saksham Leekha
Laxman Pandey: Rohil Sinha

Special Appearance
Mehak Kapoor (as Mehak)
Srishti Bhutani (as herself)
Ritesh (for no defined or justified reason whatsoever)
Abhinav Goel (thanx abhi, for being there)

***Please visualize this as you read.
(On the way from the airport to Delhi University)
Sue: I am Sigmund Freud’s great great grand daughter. I have his personal notes and diaries. I have come all the way from Kanpur to New Delhi to make a documentary on Human Behavior.
Soniya: Don’t worry, we’ll do it together.

(Both reach Delhi University)
Soniya: Lets go to the classroom.
Sue: Yeah lets!!!

Scene 1 - The Classroom
Mehak (Dancing): Apni to paathshaala, Masti ki Paatshaala
Apni to paathshaala, Masti ki Paatshaala
(Aslam, Soniya and Sue)
Soniya: Meet Kaviraj Aslam, Sue.
Aslam: Hello…
Sue: I can see that you are suffering form acute inferiority complex.
Aslam: Huh?
Sue: Just look at yourself. Vibes of negativity, hatred and lust (lust???) are gripping everybody in your proximity. Ego centrism, conscious negligence… Oh heavens.
(looks at Aslam’s jade ring) Clearly you are suffering from acute Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It’s etched into your soul window. Attitude of yours is what that is wrong.
Aslam: What the hell are you talking about? I don’t think it is FAIR. WELL…

(Mehak pops out of thin air…. Starts dancing)
Mehak: Did you just say “farewell”?
“Apni to paathshaala, Masti ki Paatshaala
Apni to paathshaala, Masti ki Paatshaala”
Aslam: Liste…
Mehak: Hey, I know Richa ma’am.
“Apni to paathshaala, Masti ki Paatshaala
Apni to paathshaala, Masti ki Paatshaala”


(DJ and Sukhi are drinking beer. Sukhi goes TUN and collapses. Aslam and Karan rescue him. Mehak helps.)

Sukhi: Oye Aslam. Tune meri jaan bachaayi. (kisses Aslam)
(pauses… gratified)
Oye Karan, Tune bhi meri jaan bachaayi. (kisses Karan)
(Mehak looks up suggestively)
Sukhi (disgusted): Oye soch bhi mat. Wahaan jo kuch WHITE hona chahiye, woh YELLOW hai.

(Ritesh pops out of thin air and joins Mehak)

Ritesh: Mehak and I are just friends.
Mehak: A grumble of incomprehensible words…
(pauses… then smiles erringly)
Hey, I know Richa ma’am and I will report this to her.
Karan: Grunt. A rich grunt.

(Mehak and Ritesh… Dancing)
“Apni to paathshaala, Masti ki Paatshaala
Apni to paathshaala, Masti ki Paatshaala”

(Srishti comes along, hopping)
Srishti (singing): I sent a letter to my father and on the way I dropped it….
(to Karan): Yaar kaisa hai?
Karan: Bas tu bata.
Aslam: Aur tumhari VM ki classes kaisi chal rahi hai?
Srishti: Kya Bataaon. Raat bhar padti rahti hoon.
Aslam: Koi baat nahin. Raat ko Ullu, Saksham aur Khushboo bhi jaagte hai.
Srishti: Bilkool ZERRO masti hai. Bas jab shaam ko apne bhai ke saath cycling karti
hoon to.. (looking towards Karan, who conjures a large Louis Vuitton briefcase from nowhere. In this briefcase are 10 stacks of thousand rupee notes, A N-GAGE mobile phone, the entire music collection of Himesh Reshamiya and 10 lollipops.)
Karan: (handing the 10 lollipops to Srishti.)
Srishti: Thank you yaar. Good Bye.
Karan: Bye sir.
Srishti: Sir?
Karan: Oh! Sorry my lady, my liege, my queen (Bhutan???), but I learnt this habit from
Sir Karan Chawla.
Srishti: Okay. Bye then.
Karan: Hey listen.
Srishti: What?
Karan: Bye sir.

(Srishti slaps Karan, and feasting upon a lollipop, hops away)

Karan (Crying; To Aslam): Brothers Under The Sun.
Aslam: Grunt. A modest grunt. Not a rich grunt.

(Mehak and Ritesh)
“Apni to paathshaala, Masti ki Paatshaala
Apni to paathshaala, Masti ki Paatshaala”

Laxman: Band karo ye nanga naach. Kitni baar samjhana padega tum sabko ki is duniya mein Angelina Jolie ke alaawa, koi cheez achi nahin hai.

Aslam: Arrey Tujhe aur koi nahin pasand to idhar mat aa naa.
Laxman: Abbey Pakistani Joodi.
Ritesh (unable to control himself now): Do you know that Mehak and I are just friends and that she knows Richa ma’am?
Listen (Laxman) Pandey, and about nanga naach and Jolie, Have you not seen Original Sin?

(Aslam, Pandey, Karan, DJ, Sukhi and Major Ajay Rathod join together in chorus)
“ ummmmmmmmm oooooooo aaaaaaaaaa huhaaaaaah mmmmmmmmaaannn****@#*!@#$@#$@%^$&**)

(Laxman, overwhelmed at this turn, cannot channel his ecstasy, falling into a deep trance as he falls short of words and steps; he collapses there and then and presumably enters a vivid dream)
Laxman: Haiiiiiii, Angelina Jolie…………..umumummmmmmmmm,,,,,,,,,, Katrina Kaif….haaaaaaaaaaummmmmmmmmmm ummmmmmmmmmmmmommmmmmmm.

Abhinav (ad-libbing): MONEY IS POWER, TIME IS MONEY (TIME=MONEY x [GOEL’S quotient]), MONEY IS GOD, MONEY MONEY MONEY.
Matrix: Savvy, Farewell?

(Mehak and Ritesh join again with newfound zeal and exhilarating vigour)
Mehak and Ritesh (in chorus): Did you just say farewell?

“Apni to Paathshaala, Masti ki Paathshaala
Apni to Paatshaala, Masti ki Paathshaala”

TO BE CONTINUED.....