It turns out, that according to a recent survey of the biggest world cities, Mumbai was rated the rudest. And, expectedly, this evoked a RUDE outbreak of abuses and derogatory remarks for the poor magazine. Well, I'm no Reader's Digest, nor have I the resources to hold a survey. But, to put it in Einstein's terms, I shall speak of my own experience.

I haven't heard many people receiving a phone call with "Hello... may I know who's calling?" or "Hello, aap kaun bol rahe hain?". It always comes down to: "Hell-lo, Kaun?" in a not-so-friendly tone. Sometimes, callers begin interrogation even before introducing themselves. "Hello? Pehle Batao Aap Kaun?" Or worse, "Chunnu ko phone dena." One thing I've noticed which is not so much rude, as it is funny, is the fact that when asked WHO is calling, people say: "Main Chandigarh Se Bol Raha Hun" or "C-barah waalon ke yahaan se". For God sake, don't you have a NAME?

But otherwise, people are warm. Not only warm-hearted, but actually, temperature-wise, warm. When my father's long lost college friend, oversized Mr Walia (name changed) came to my house last week, I felt the heat emanating when he squeezed me into a hug saying, "Munda jawaan ho gaya hai, hain?" And I always thought you're supposed to be a toddler all your life.

The best place to come across the greatest examples of rudeness are at the post office or MCD office. "Sab apne apne form do baje se pehle jama kara do. Hum bhi toh insaan hain, humein bhi toh khana khana hai", said a mahila officer, who'd just been up from an hour-long nap on her desk. If you request a post officer to hurry up a bit, he'd say, "Apne aap kar lo, itni hi jaldi hai toh."

Well, the grocers around my place aren't too keen on customer feel-good either. Because I have to ask at least five times for a packet of chooran only to find out that he has only Haathi Brand - Lena hai toh lo, varna dimaag mat kharab karo.

For a little sophistication in rudeness, fly Air India or Indian where trained men and women give you a taste of India’s Incredible Inhospitality. “Abhi se bata do kisko kya chahiye, main baad mein nahin aaoongi.”

You know very well who to look up to for a taste of ‘Gaaliyaan 2006’ or haryanvi humour – Bus drivers. I dare not try to explain it to you. It’s better left understood.

Overall we’re not all that rude. Except that one or two swear-words (you know which) escape the mouth often, or for the fact that we love ogling at Gori Mem’s who visit India.

PS: Rudeness reaches new heights when it comes into inexperienced, frustrated and unconfident, inferiority-complex-ridden teachers, who try to prove their superiority every minute. (Samajhdaar ko ishaara kaafi hai)